That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
