note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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