she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
