at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
