I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
