someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
