she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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