Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
