i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
