I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
