I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
