There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Pants are for mortals
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
