ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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