True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
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