i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
