I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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