You made me cry and you don't even care
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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