my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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