We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
