i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
