Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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