Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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