i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
