All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
