i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
