So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
