just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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