Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
