So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
