i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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