i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
