I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If its not for food we ain't going out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
