just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
