my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
