ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
