is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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