I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
