At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
