i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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