I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
