Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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