"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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