Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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