This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
