I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
