Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
