honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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