Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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