We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
