At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
