Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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