Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
