I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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